Have you ever met someone and even
though they seemed likeable, there was something that just did not
quite seem right? Possibly there were events that just did not make
sense to you.
Domestic Abuse Signs |
Sometimes there may be emotional abuse
signs when you are dating or in a relationship. Possibly you are
blind to some things that you really should look at more closely.
PAY ATTENTION:
1.False Promises
One red flag that some may tend to
ignore is when your boyfriend or spouse does hurtful things and then
later tells you it will never happen again. If he or she has hit you
once that is one too many times. If the hurtful things he or she
says repeatedly continues, that is a pattern and is definitely too
many times.
According to the Mayo Clinic staff, if he or
she acts jealous or possessive of you, you may be in an abusive
relationship. In the beginning you may think it is cute that he is
jealous of you, but in time that jealously can smother you. I know
from previous relationships. I recall in a previous relationship my
spouse stated, “ I wish I could just put you in a cage and keep
you on an island just for me.” Now how sick is that? You need
to pay attention to the signs. Jealously and possessiveness is not
healthy. No one should be put in an emotional prison. Do not allow
this. They further add that if he or she blames you for their
violent behavior that is not healthy. Possibly he or she may say,
“You made me hit you, because you just will not do right.”
Seemingly it is always “your fault” for the violent person's
behavior.
2.Control
When someone wants to control when and
where you go, this is a sign to pay attention. When someone times
you and starts calling you, because you did not make it back from the
grocery store in 15 or 20 minutes pay attention. When someone is
calling you throughout the day wanting to know where you are and what
you are doing, pay attention. It feels like your being monitored and
you are being controlled. When someone wants to tell you
that you cannot be friends with a certain person, because they are a
bad influence on you, even though you are an adult not a child pay
attention. You may also want to read:
3.Name Calling
When you are in a relationship, you
have a name. That name does not include derogatory remarks or name
calling such as “you are so lazy, you are so fat, you are stupid,
or you can't do anything right.” This is mentally and emotionally
abusive. After awhile it will tear your spirit down. Pay attention.
That is not something that you need in your life. Rather look for
people that will build you up and that are positive.
4.Worthless
Anyone that makes you feel that you are
worthless is not good for you. Do any of the following sound
familiar? “ You are so stupid, you are no earthly good, you can't
make it without me, or no one will ever want you but me.” That
is the lie that they want you to believe. I recall watching “Why
Did I get Married” by Tyler Perry. The one woman's husband talked
about her so bad and did it jokingly in front of others. He
constantly put her down and talked about how big she was. She did
feel worthless because of that. But when he divorced her, she found
a new husband or rather should I say he found her and he treasured
her. He built her up and showed that he loved her and was proud of
her. He was positive and she finally had a healthy marriage.
5. Your Fault
When someone is trying to control you,
the controller whether a woman or man will always want to make a
situation your fault. I recall in a previous abusive marriage I was
always trying to fix it, thinking everything was my fault. My
co-worker once told me “Betty you could be an angel and nothing you
do will ever be good enough.” A phrase that I used to hear most of
the time was, “See what you made me do,” or “you need to do
this or the relationship will fail.” You also might want to read:
An abusive relationship affects the
entire family. Remember your children are watching and learning from
you. This is emphasized in the following post:
Facts
Did you know that in the United States,
an average of 20 people are physically abused by intimate partners
every minute. That is according to the National Coalition against Domestic Violence. They also added that domestic violence accounts
for 15% of all violent crime.
Note: Invisible Prison
Once you have left the controlling or
abusive relationship, fear may possibly keep you in an invisible
prison. You may be fearful if you see him sitting in his car on a
corner even though you know you have a restraining order. Fear may
make you question will he or she abide by these court orders. Stop
living in this invisible prison. Those thoughts will imprison you
emotionally and mentally. Remember even though you have done
everything that you can to be safe, God can give you that perfect
inner peace that will calm you when that storm and your circumstances
are chaotic. I am a witness to that.
Help
Should you come to the conclusion that
you are in a controlling and abusive relationship and you want help
to get out. Prepare to remove yourself from that situation and find
safety. That is what I did in my previous marriage. I decided enough
was enough. I had already felt like I was in prison emotionally. I
was tired of that. I left. No, it is not as easy as it sounds but
your motivation will be a first step. Do not be afraid of what others
will say or think of you. I was surprised that my true friends and
family came to my aide and family as well.
You may need a
restraining order to protect yourself. Because he or she has brained
wash you to thinking you cannot do anything, be sure to have a plan B
in the event plan A does not succeed. Seek the support of your
friends, family, and even pastor for support. Educate yourself about
domestic violence. It may be difficult to admit or even talk about
the fact that you were abused, but it does get easier in time. Make
your mind up that you will not be part of that statistics that ends
in a homicide. There is the 24 hour hotlines known as Crisis Connection 1-80-245-4580 or the National Domestic
Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233.
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10 comments:
Good things to watch for.
I agree with you Gentle Joy.
I am happy to see this post. It is an extremely important topic.
Such a great post! Thanks for sharing with us at Love to Learn; Pinned.
what an important topic we should all be aware of the warning signs
come see us at http://shopannies.blogspot.com
I agree Angie.
I agree with you Dr. Elise.
Your welcome Mother of .
A topic that we don't discuss enough. Thanks for sharing these signs, and thanks for sharing on Sunday's Best.
Your welcome Rhonda.
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