Monday, January 7, 2019

Have You or Someone You Know Seen These 6 Red Flags?

What You Need to Know. . . . .

Have you ever met someone and even though they seemed likable, there was something that just did not quite seem right? Possibly there were events that just did not make sense to you.

Domestic Abuse Signs

Sometimes there may be emotional abuse signs when you are dating or in a relationship. Possibly you are blind to some things that you really should look at more closely. Also note that there are women that abuse men also. I recall getting numerous calls to a previous phone number that I had. It was usually men calling to get a restraining order against a woman. Apparently, my number was similar to the number that they were attempting to reach.


1.False Promises

One red flag that some may tend to ignore is when your boyfriend or spouse does hurtful things and then later tells you it will never happen again. If he or she has hit you once that is one too many times. If the hurtful things he or she says repeatedly continues, that is a pattern and is definitely too many times.

According to Mayo Clinic staff if he or she acts jealous or possessive of you, you may be in an abusive relationship. In the beginning you may think it is cute that he is jealous of you, but in time that jealously can smother you. I know from previous relationships. I recall in a previous relationship my spouse stated, “ I wish I could just put you in a cage and keep you on an island just for me.” Now how sick is that? You need to pay attention to the signs. Jealously and possessiveness is not healthy. No one should be put in an emotional prison. Do not allow this. They further add that if he or she blames you for their violent behavior that is not healthy. Possibly he or she may say, “You made me hit you, because you just will not do right.” Seemingly it is always “your fault” for the violent person's behavior.


When someone wants to control when and where you go, this is a sign to pay attention. When someone times you and starts calling you, because you did not make it back from the grocery store in 15 or 20 minutes pay attention. When someone is calling you throughout the day wanting to know where you are and what you are doing pay attention. It feels like your being monitored and you are as well as being controlled. When someone wants to tell you that you cannot be friends with a certain person, because they are a bad influence on you, even though you are an adult not a child pay attention.

3.Name Calling

When you are in a relationship, you have a name. That name does not include derogatory remarks or name calling such as “you are so lazy, you are so fat, you are stupid, or you can't do anything right.” This is mentally and emotionally abusive. After awhile it will tear your spirit down. Pay attention. That is not something that you need in your life. Rather look for people that will build you up and that are positive.


Anyone that makes you feel that you are worthless is not good for you. Do any of the following sound familiar? “ You are so stupid, you are no earthly good, you can't make it without me, or no one will ever want you but me.” That is the lie that they want you to believe. I recall watching “Why Did I get Married” by Tyler Perry. The one woman's husband talked about her so bad and did it jokingly in front of others. He constantly put her down and talked about how big she was. She did feel worthless because of that. But when he divorced her, she found a new husband or rather should I say he found her and he treasured her. He built her up and showed that he loved her and was proud of her. He was positive and she finally had a healthy marriage.

5. Your Fault

When someone is trying to control you, the controller whether a woman or man will always want to make a situation your fault. I recall in a previous abusive marriage I was always trying to fix it, thinking everything was my fault. My co-worker once told me “Betty you could be an angel and nothing you do will ever be good enough.” A phrase that I used to hear most of the time was, “See what you made me do,” or “you need to do this or the relationship will fail.”  Guess What?  The relationship failed anyway. 

6. Pushing or Shoving

When the controller gets mad at whatever, he or she might resort to domestic violence and decide to use you as a punching bag. It might start out with a shove or just pushing you against the wall in his or her fit of anger. Then it gradually may increase to punching you. It is still abuse. Now the abuser may function well at work and in some social settings, but when it comes to you, the abuser feels you are the cause of the problems. The flip of the coin is after he has shoved you or punched you, he wants to make up for it . He may want to bring you flowers. Or the famous words of an abuser is “It will never happen again.” “I have just been under so much pressure at work.” I cannot recall the number of times that I heard that. The abuser has a Dr. Jekyll/Dr. Hyde personality. You just never know which one is coming out sometimes. The reality of all this is, if the abuser has hit you once, he or she will hit you again. Get help before it is too late.

An abusive relationship affects the entire family. Remember your children are watching and learning from you.   

 Note: Invisible Prison

Once you have left the controlling or abusive relationship, fear may possibly keep you in an invisible prison. You may be fearful if you see him sitting in his car on a corner even though you know you have a restraining order. Fear may make you question will he or she abide by these court orders. Stop living in this invisible prison. Those thoughts will imprison you emotionally and mentally. Remember even though you have done everything that you can to be safe, God can give you that perfect inner peace that will calm you when that storm and your circumstances are chaotic. I am a witness to that.


Should you come to the conclusion that you are in a controlling and abusive relationship and you want help to get out. Prepare to remove yourself from that situation and find safety. That is what I did in my previous marriage. I decided enough was enough. I had already felt like I was in prison emotionally. I was tired of that. I left. No, it is not as easy as it sounds but your motivation will be a first step. Do not be afraid of what others will say or think of you. I was surprised that my true friends and family came to my aide and family as well. You may need a restraining order to protect yourself. Because he or she has brained wash you to thinking you cannot do anything, be sure to have a plan B in the event plan A does not succeed. Seek the support of your friends, family, and even pastor for support. Educate yourself about domestic violence.

It may be difficult to admit or even talk about the fact that you were abused, but it does get easier in time. Make your mind up that you will not be part of that statistics that ends in a homicide. Seek the support of your friends, family, and even pastor for support. Educate yourself. There is the 24-hour hotlines such as Crisis Connection 1-800-245-4580 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233.

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Attribution: Rvervuurt


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  1. Sadly, too many of us ignore these red flags. Thanks for making us more aware.

  2. Thank you for the very valuable description of the signs of abuse. Reading this could save a life!

  3. Sharing to Pinterest, it is important for people to recognize the warning signs and walk out.

  4. This is a tough topic but so important. Thank you for putting it to words. #trafficjam

  5. Very informative. Thank you for speaking out and helping those who need it.


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