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Have You or Someone You Know Seen These 6 Red Flags?
You Need to Know. . . . .
you ever met someone and even though they seemed likable, there was
something that just did not quite seem right? Possibly there were
events that just did not make sense to you.
Domestic Abuse Signs
there may be emotional abuse signs when you are dating or in a
relationship. Possibly you are blind to some things that you really
should look at more closely. Also note that there are women that
abuse men also. I recall getting numerous calls to a previous phone
number that I had. It was usually men calling to get a restraining
order against a woman. Apparently, my number was similar to the
number that they were attempting to reach.
red flag that some may tend to ignore is when your boyfriend or
spouse does hurtful things and then later tells you it will never
happen again. If he or she has hit you once that is one too many
times. If the hurtful things he or she says repeatedly continues,
that is a pattern and is definitely too many times.
to Mayo Clinic staff if he or she acts jealous or possessive of you,
you may be in an abusive relationship. In the beginning you may
think it is cute that he is jealous of you, but in time that
jealously can smother you. I know from previous relationships. I
recall in a previous relationship my spouse stated, “ I wish I
could just put you in a cage and keep you on an island just for me.”
Now how sick is that? You need to pay attention to the signs.
Jealously and possessiveness is not healthy. No one should be put in
an emotional prison. Do not allow this. They further add that if he
or she blames you for their violent behavior that is not healthy.
Possibly he or she may say, “You made me hit you, because you just
will not do right.” Seemingly it is always “your fault” for
the violent person's behavior.
someone wants to control when and where you go, this is a sign to pay
attention. When someone times you and starts calling you, because
you did not make it back from the grocery store in 15 or 20 minutes
pay attention. When someone is calling you throughout the day
wanting to know where you are and what you are doing pay attention.
It feels like your being monitored and you are as well as being
controlled. When someone wants to tell you that you cannot be
friends with a certain person, because they are a bad influence on
you, even though you are an adult not a child pay attention.
you are in a relationship, you have a name. That name does not
include derogatory remarks or name calling such as “you are so
lazy, you are so fat, you are stupid, or you can't do anything
right.” This is mentally and emotionally abusive. After awhile it
will tear your spirit down. Pay attention. That is not something
that you need in your life. Rather look for people that will build
you up and that are positive.
that makes you feel that you are worthless is not good for you. Do
any of the following sound familiar? “ You are so stupid, you are
no earthly good, you can't make it without me, or no one will ever
want you but me.” That is the lie that they want you to believe.
I recall watching “Why Did I get Married” by Tyler Perry. The
one woman's husband talked about her so bad and did it jokingly in
front of others. He constantly put her down and talked about how big
she was. She did feel worthless because of that. But when he
divorced her, she found a new husband or rather should I say he found
her and he treasured her. He built her up and showed that he loved
her and was proud of her. He was positive and she finally had a
someone is trying to control you, the controller whether a woman or
man will always want to make a situation your fault. I recall in a
previous abusive marriage I was always trying to fix it, thinking
everything was my fault. My co-worker once told me “Betty you could
be an angel and nothing you do will ever be good enough.” A phrase
that I used to hear most of the time was, “See what you made me
do,” or “you need to do this or the relationship will fail.” Guess What? The relationship failed anyway.
Pushing or Shoving
the controller gets mad at whatever, he or she might resort to
domestic violence and decide to use you as a punching bag. It might
start out with a shove or just pushing you against the wall in his or
her fit of anger. Then it gradually may increase to punching you. It
is still abuse. Now the abuser may function well at work and in some
but when it comes to you, the abuser feels you are the cause of the
problems. The flip of the coin is after he has shoved you or punched
you, he wants to make up for it . He may want to bring you flowers.
Or the famous words of an abuser is “It will never happen again.”
“I have just been under so much pressure at work.” I
cannot recall the number of times that I heard that.
The abuser has a Dr. Jekyll/Dr. Hyde personality. You just never know
which one is coming out sometimes. The reality of all this is, if the
abuser has hit you once, he or she will hit you again. Get help
before it is too late.
An abusive relationship
affects the entire family. Remember your children are watching and
learning from you.
you have left the controlling or abusive relationship, fear may
possibly keep you in an invisible prison. You may be fearful if you
see him sitting in his car on a corner even though you know you have
a restraining order. Fear may make you question will he or she abide
by these court orders. Stop living in this invisible prison. Those
thoughts will imprison you emotionally and mentally. Remember even
though you have done everything that you can to be safe, God can give
you that perfect inner peace that will calm you when that storm and
your circumstances are chaotic. I am a witness to that.
you come to the conclusion that you are in a controlling and abusive
relationship and you want help to get out. Prepare to remove yourself
from that situation and find safety. That is what I did in my
previous marriage. I decided enough was enough. I had already felt
like I was in prison emotionally. I was tired of that. I left.
No, it is not as easy as it sounds but your motivation will be a
first step. Do not be afraid of what others will say or think of you.
I was surprised that my true friends and family came to my aide and
family as well. You may need a restraining order to protect
yourself. Because he or she has brained wash you to thinking you
cannot do anything, be sure to have a plan B in the event plan A does
not succeed. Seek the support of your friends, family, and even
pastor for support. Educate yourself about domestic violence.
may be difficult to admit or even talk about the fact that you were
abused, but it does get easier in time. Make your mind up that you
will not be part of that statistics that ends in a homicide. Seek
the support of your friends, family, and even pastor for support.
Educate yourself. There is the 24-hour hotlines such as Crisis
Connection 1-800-245-4580 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline