Saturday, June 4, 2011

Kids Say the Darndest Things

1. Sharing

One toddler told his mother, “Granny we will share you with our mother.”

2. Sickness

After this child was an adult he told his mother, “ Mom do you remember those times that I said I had an upset stomach and could not go to school, because I was so sick?” She replied, “Yes, what about it?” The child responded, “I did not tell the truth.” “Someone had told me they were going to beat me up, so I pretended to be sick, so I would not have to go to school.”

3. Texting

A grandmother was texting a message and her granddaughter told her other siblings,” Hey everyone granny knows how to text.”


One daughter told her mother after she was grown up, “Mom I cannot tell a lie.” “When I was little, me, my siblings, and (several children in the neighborhood) which she called each of them by name, were in the basement smoking your cigarettes.” “But I did not like smoking.” She just had to share that tobacco fact. When she said, “I cannot tell a lie,” I wonder why did that revelation remind me when George Washington told his father, “I cannot tell a lie.”

5. The Family Dog

One daughter told her mother after she was grown up, “Mom do you remember you told us not to call you at work unless it was an emergency?” The mother replied, “Yes, I remember.” The daughter stated , “Well one day while you were at work, the dog was on the loose.” “He was terrorizing the neighborhood and it took us a while to catch him.” “We didn’t want to bother you at work.”

6. Absent From School

One child got up one morning and gave her mother a paper to sign. She told the mother she needed to sign it for an absence that she had. The mother replied, “You have not been absent any days that I am aware of, why should I sign it? So the child went on to school knowing the mother did not sign the slip. This same mother and child attended a social gathering at the elementary teacher’s house. The teacher mentioned to the parent to see if the parent was aware of an altercation between her child and another. Apparently, the parent knew nothing about this. So the teacher said the child had a few “choice words” for one of the other children during an altercation, after which, the child marched to the front of the class and announced, “ I will not be here tomorrow, I am going to be sick.” The parent then said to herself, “That explains why she wanted me to sign the slip the other day.” The parent thought to herself, “Been there, done that.”

7. Money

While in the store, a child asked for a toy from his parent. The parent replied, “Not today, we do not have any money.” The child responded, “Why don’t you just right on that paper that you right on when we go through the store line?” The child was referring to writing a check.

8. Out To Eat

One child wanted to go Chuck E. Cheese's. The parent told her, “We do not have any money.” The child responded, “Just borrow it from “sow n sow.” (real name not mentioned here)

9. Bills

Another child wanted to go to Chuck E. Cheese's. The parent told him, “We do not have any money for that today.” She asked, “You don’t pay your bills?”

10. Naps

One child complained, “Why do I have to take naps?” The mother explained that it was for her benefit since she was a toddler. The mother also added when you are in Kindergarten I will not require you to take a nap, because kindergartens don’t take naps in school.” The child then asked, “Will I graduate to kindergarten next month?

11. Obstacle Course?

Have you ever heard of a toddler saying, “ Follow me I will show you my obstacle course?”

12. Stomach

One 4-year-old exclaimed, “ I’m hungry.” “ So that is why my stomach was growling.”

13. Gas

One 4-year-old kept passing gas. Finally the parent asked, “Do you think you might need to use the restroom?” She replied, “Yes.” So she went to the restroom and stayed there awhile. When she returned she stated, “I have some good news and I have some bad news.” “ I tried to booboo, but it was only gas.”

14. Thinking Cap

Another 4-year-old was told by her parent that she needed to put on her thinking cap, but she could continue playing. The 4-year-old instead went into the front room and sat on the couch. The other siblings ask, "What is wrong?" "You can still play with us." The 4-year-old replied, " I am thinking."

15. Bumps

“I have bumps on my stomach, said one child to his mother. He raised his shirt and took a deep breath showing her. She thought he was referring to his nipples, but then he touched his rib cage. His mother said, “Those are your rib bones."

16. Work

A mother brought her son to work. It was "Bring your child to work Day." Her child sat in front of everyone and said, "Mom is this the guy you have to suck up to everyday?"

17. Fishing

The grandmother told her 5-year-old grandson that the grandfather was fishing. The grandson then said, Pray with me that grandpa will catch some big fish for the family." He then prayed," Dear God keep grandpa safe and let him bring home some fish for us to eat."

18. Sunday School

As a mother dropped her 4-year-old at church for Sunday School, the grandmother waited for her to bring in a change of clothing for the child after church. Apparently the grandmother was not moving fast enough. The 4-year-old stated, "Grandmother can we come on, they are missing me in Sunday School."

19.Spending the Night

The grandson told his grandmother, "I enjoy spending time with you, I like staying over your house, but I have been with you 2 days now, I need to see my mother."

20. Words

A mother told her 4-year-old child, “You did a great job.” The child responded, “Yes, stupendous.” The mother replied, “Where did you hear that word?” The child said, “I just know it means “cool.”

21. Real Food

A child told his mother, “I am hungry.” His mother replied, “Would you like an apple?” The child responded, “Do you have any real food.?”

22. Baby

Several parents were in the park with their children. One of the parents told another little 4-year-old girl, "Bye baby." Her 3-year-old son said the same to the 4-year-old girl, "Bye baby." The 4-year-old little girl looked at the 3-year-old boy and responded, "You are not old enough to call me baby." "She can call me baby, but you need to be older before you can call me baby."

23. President

A 5-year-old told his mother, “I want to become President of the United States so I can change the laws for you.”

24. As the father was having trouble putting together an item for the house, the 5-year-old son came over and stated, “Maybe it would help if you looked at the picture.”

25. The grandfather was barbecuing. It was not done yet. The father came to pick up his granddaughter. The granddaughter politely asked the grandfather, “Grandfather can you send me some barbecue?” “Just send it in the mail.”

26. The mother asked her daughter, “What did you dream about last night?” The 5-year-old daughter replied, “It is still going on, I just paused it.” Referring to the dream that is.

27. Another child said, “My daddy is sick, but he is not sick enough to die.

28. This grandmother was at her 6-year-old granddaughter’s school. The teacher introduced the grandmother as the student’s grandmother. The student objected and said, “That is not my grandmother that is my Granny.”

More From This Author:

How To Influence Your Toddler By Being Positive. It is listed on the sitemap under "Toddlers Behaviors." Just click on it.

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