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| Memorial Service |
Wikipedia.
Org defines eulogy as "as a speech or writing in praise of a person
or thing."
Now for a long time I thought that only ministers did the eulogy at a home going ceremony. I discovered that is not always the case. Others are giving eulogy speeches.
Now for a long time I thought that only ministers did the eulogy at a home going ceremony. I discovered that is not always the case. Others are giving eulogy speeches.
1.
Don't fight at a funeral.
This
is just the wrong thing to do. When you fight, what type of example
are you setting for your children? Tempers and emotions may be
extremely sensitive at this time. This should be a time to not think
about yourself, but to think about the family of the deceased. I
recall as I drove past a funeral home, there were several police cars
there and family members were arguing.
2.
Don't play inappropriate music for the funeral
Music
can be played during family hour or during the viewing at the funeral
home. I went to a funeral where they were playing a rhythm and blues
song that was talking about "bumping and grinding and making
love. " This was quite inappropriate. There were small children
there too. Maybe the deceased loved that song, but the funeral was
not the appropriate place to play it, especially with small children
present. I have heard many rhythm and blues songs that would have
been much more appropriate.
3. Don't say anything, if you cannot think of something positive to say.
4.
Do bring laughter to the family.
Laughter
is so important during this time. In the article
I
emphasize how laughter helps you. The family is already grieving, so
laughter can just help ease the grieving process. During remarks try
to think of good times that you had with the deceased individual and
share this. Do make positive and truthful remarks about the deceased.
5.
Do Give a Hug
Sometimes
you may not have the words to comfort your love one, but do give a
hug. A hug says it all. I talk about the importance of hugging in
the article:
6. Do Think Clearly
Do
think of ways that you can help the family during this time. Usually
immediate family members may not be thinking clearly. If this is the
first loved one that they have lost, they may be at a lost as to what
should be done. Usually the funeral homes are fairly helpful when
planning the funeral.
7.
Do Make an Offer
Do
offer to help with a collage (pictures) of family members. This may
be on display before the funeral. Also, CD's can be made to play
during the family hour. This can be quite comforting and reassuring
to view the pictures of family members and friends. If you have
technical skills that might be helpful, offer them to the family.
I
recall when my mother-in-law passed away. I assisted my
brother-in-law with editing the pictures for the CD. We are a large
family. There were many pictures, some of which I did not even know
who the family members were, but that they were in the family. During
the funeral many of the members could point out and tell me who that
family member was.
8.
Do View the Body
Do
go by the funeral home to view the body, especially if you will not
be able to attend the funeral. Plan to attend the family hour. This
is a time to console the family. This is a time to let them know that
they are not alone. Sometimes you do not have to say anything, maybe
give them a hug as I mentioned earlier. Also, a smile definitely may help. Let them know that you are there for
them. Your kind words can mean so much to them.
9.
Do write a poem, If you are good at doing that.
10.
Do Show Respect
Do
be respectful of others and offer money to the family. There is no
need for rudeness or disrespect. Funerals are expensive. All
families may not have insurance for the cost of the burial.
Note:
There was a time that black clothing was always worn to a funeral. Now I have seen different colors and several times "all white." The white to represent the deceased home-going to the Lord. In fact I recall a funeral where all the immediate family wore all white. It was a lovely site to see.
Photo
Caption:
Pixabay, CCO Creative Commons
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9 comments:
Very helpful suggestions for what can be an awkward time.
It is extremely important to be very clear on etiquette in various situations and also through different cultures.
Very well said. Your post reminded me of a recent funeral our family attended. My son is an adult with special needs, and he is always well behaved in this type of setting. However, near the end of the service, the song I'll Fly Away came over the speakers. At our church each Sunday morning this song is played, and my son loves to clap loudly to the music. Sure enough, when the song began, Obie was clapping away. I quickly took his hands and explained that today wasn't a good day for that. He was a bit confused, but stopped clapping. As I was congratulating myself on preventing an entire chapel full of people giving us the 'stink eye' (trust me, this crowd had no sense of humor), I begin to feel the pew I am sitting on shaking. I look to my other side, and there is my beloved husband, his hand clapped over his mouth, trying in vain to stop laughing! I sometimes think I am the only one in our family with any sense of decorum.
I think we forget funerals are as much for the family as for the deceased. Yes, we mourn their passing but the family needs cheer and lightness in the midst of their grief. Some families seem more open to this than others, depending on the circumstances. A death after a long illness is different than one that is sudden and unexpected. I think flexibility is key; better to try to help and make a mistake than not to try at all. Thanks for your insightful post.
Thank you, Betty. People need these reminders. I especially appreciated #2. I don't have too much patience with inappropriate music at weddings either. I remember one where the couple's first dance was to "Sexual Healing."
This is a very helpful article. Funerals can be very difficult times.
Thank you for sharing these tips at Inspire Me Monday. My dad was killed in a hit and run accident when I was 16 years old. I learned at that time that there is really not a lot that a person can say, but just being there helps so much.
Good tips, Betty. I've always thought it's important to dress appropriately and respectfully, not drawing attention to oneself. This isn't the time for mini skirts, plunging necklines and 6-inch heels! #TrafficJamWeekend
Do all of these things and be sure to be there for afterwards when the silence is very loud. Found you on Traffic Jam Weekend Linky Party.
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